(The alternative title was “The REAL Jersey’s in the house BITCH!” but I had second thoughts about that.) Four days ago, we saw Tara crowned as the new Knockouts Champion. Madison Rayne made it very clear she was not happy about this development. Tonight will see the fallout from the match as well as someone from the real Jersey Shore invade Impact looking for the impostor. Lets get down to business, shall we?
Some unfamilar music hits and out comes Madison Rayne wearing black pants with her name splashed on the side and a hot mess of a top. Yikes. She has a referee in tow, and as she climbs into the ring with him, we get a short recap of what happened at Bound for Glory. Madison grabs a mic and goes off about how, on the biggest night in professional wrestling, her plan to become three-time Knockouts Champion went awry. She wants Tara, the person who owes her job in TNA to Madison herself, to come to the ring for a title match right NOW.
“Broken” heralds the entrance of Tara to the Impact Zone. She looks conflicted as she walks to the ring, title belt fitted around her waist. As soon as she gets into the ring, Madison reminds her that it’s because of Rayne that she was back in TNA, that she was able to wrestle, and that she was in the match on Sunday. “ME, ME, ME!” (I know another Madison who’s laid claim to ‘ME’, pretty sure that’s gimmick infringment Ms. Rayne..!) The brunette urges Tara to do the right thing, so very reluctantly, Tara takes off her belt and hands it to the referee. After holding it up, he gives it to the ring assistant, and calls for the bell. Madison again tells Tara to “do the right thing” …and with a good deal of hesitation, Tara lays down. Madison, quite enthusiastically, pins her.
We have a new TNA Knockouts Champion.
Forgive my lack of enthusiasm (as much as I like Madison Rayne). She makes up for mine (and anyone else’s) lack by acting as if she’s won the World Cup, an Oscar, a Grammy, the World Series, the Super Bowl and the Chocobo Derby all at once. Bless Tara’s heart, she claps and tries to look pleased for her friend/benefactress. It gets even more cheesy when Madison grabs a mic and declares, “Mom – I DID IT!!” Then she goes to add more salt in Tara’s wound by saying, “I know that was the toughest match-”
“HARDCORE COUNTRY!” blares and for once I’m happy to hear that music. Madison? Not so much. She looks pissed off as Mickie James comes out, looking equally pissed. As soon as her music goes off, she berates Madison, calling her a disgrace, saying what just happened is a disgrace to the belt. When Rayne tries to interrupt, Mickie tells her sharply, “Shut your mouth when I’m talking to you.” Sassy! She goes on to repeat her statement about making history and coming for the Knockouts Title, and sees no reason why she can’t go for it right now. Madison gestures for her to bring it on. Mickie storms the ring but Madison instead shoves Tara infront of her, directing the taller woman to fight in her stead. The two exchange blows but MJ gets the better of Tara with a spin kick that sends her right out of the ring. Madison’s eyes get as big as saucers, and in her haste to exit the ring, she drops her title belt. Whoops! Mickie scoops it up, daring Rayne to come in and take it from her. Understandably, this is not something Madison wants to do. After posing with it, James graciously lays it down by the side of the ring for Madison to grab it. Her last gesture is to blow a kiss at both Rayne and Tara.
So many things wrong with this segment and only a few things that were right. First off, you can truly see how TNA is the second coming of WCW. We’ve seen this scenario before, a champion laying down and taking the fall. Hogan/Nash anyone? A situation like this lowers the dignity and prestige of the belt, and given the fact that it’s already changed hands so much and under stupidier circumstances (hello lockbox!), there’s not much lower it could go. Oh, wait, if JWow sticks around, they could always have her win the belt. Then we can properly stop calling it Total Nonstop Action and call it World Championship Wrestling. The Knockouts Title would have it’s own David Arquette then, making the transition complete.
So for Mickie to claim that the belt had any prestige left after tonight’s travesty is remarkable. I daresay the SHIMMER Championship has more prestige than the Knockout Title. But she wants to make history and we all know she’s referring to being the first (and possibly only) woman to be TNA Knockouts Champion, WWE Women’s Champion and WWE Divas Champion. If Gail Kim doesn’t accomplish this first. To get to Madison, it’s more and more likely she’ll have to get through Tara first. I mentioned this on Diva Dirt LIVE, but I do wish Mickie had started at the bottom and gotten some matches under her belt first. It wouldn’t have cost that much to have her lose some matches to the veterans that have been there longer. I’m starting to believe TNA doesn’t know what a “slow burn” means, however. Which means we’ll probably see Mickie as Knockouts Champion next week, or at least by the end of November. Predictable, but I do look forward to seeing her wrestle Madison, and even Tara one more time.
The good parts were the fact that the promos were really well done, and so was Tara’s acting. If Mickie lost her passion in the WWE, it feels like she’s regained some of it in the interim between being let go and joining TNA. I hope this translates to a renewed passion in the ring.
The other big news was the appearance of Jersey Shore’s JWoww, come to confront Cookie. The Beautiful People (including the lovely Lacey Von Erich) are in makeup, chattering away when JWoww comes walking in. She asks the makeup artist where Cookie is, but Lacey interrupts, bringing Angelina and Velvet’s attention to the semi-starlet. The three surround her, giving her hugs and asking what she’s doing here. She responds, “I’m looking for a bitch named Cookie, I heard she’s talking bleep.” (Honestly? You bleep “shit” but not “bitch” or “skank” or “whore”? Priorities…) Angelina has no idea who Cookie is but the trio volunteer to help find her. As they exit the room, we can hear Lacey excitedly talking about going shopping. I confess, Lacey is cute!
There’s a segment where TBP and JWoww are calling out, “Cookie!” in the hallway, peeking in rooms, until they accidentally run into Eric Young. Young wants “Bow Wow’s” ‘Herby Hancock’… there are so many things wrong with that sentence! Then he wants to know if he’s a gorilla – another Shore reference that goes sailing over my head. Orlando Jordan walks out and states he wants to put his lollipop in her mouth… and hands her a yellow lollipop. For a minute it looks like she’s going to stick it in there, but whoops, she accidentally drops it. The trio hurry JWoww on as Eric thinks she’s in love with him and Jordan yells that “Jersey Shore sucks!” Disturbing…
Seemingly oblivious as to who is stalking her, Cookie and Robbie E make their way to the ring, fist pumping on the way. Gotta say, I love the dress and shoes Cookie is sporting! The crowd’s already on their case, chanting “Who are you?” at the duo. Robbie gets them both mics and proclaims that they are on at the same time as Jersey Shore. Another brilliant move by TNA. He goes on to say that no one wants to watch the fakes anymore, that Jersey Shore is done. Cookie chimes in to say there’ll be “no more of that disgrace Snooki, no more Situation and no more of that skank JCOWW!” The laughter doesn’t last long as unfamiliar music sounds, and out comes JWoww accompanied by The Beautiful People. Cookie starts wagging a finger, saying, “Oh no no no no!” The foursome climb into the ring, and the two women go face to face (or, rather, chest to chest). Very little crowd reaction at this point.
JWoww speaks, “You were saying?” Cookie shows no fear, calling her JCoww to her face and, as JWoww removes her earrings, tells her to “take your fake ass weave, your fake nails and your VERY fake dollar store funbags and crawl back into that hole you came out of! This is my house BITCH!” Cookie hauls off and slaps her, but to JWoww’s credit, she dives at Cookie, slamming her head down against the edge of the ring and actually drives her head over and over into the ring hard! It actually looks like she’s really giving it to Cookie – and the crowd approves! Meanwhile, either Lacey or Angelina have low-blowed Robbie E, leaving him to roll out of the ring in pain. JWoww continues to manhandle Cookie until TBP pull her off, with Angelina pushing Cookie out of the ring. The four raise their hands in victory as Robbie scoops up Cookie and carries her off, leaving the foursome to celebrate in the ring.
For a limited involvement, this was actually a good segment to boost Cookie. All this week, we saw JWoww grab headlines with her involvement with TNA, and that in turn has boosted the company’s profile. At the very least, it may cause some Jersey Shore fans to have tuned in tonight… except that they put the segment on at the same time as the actual Jersey Shore program. This is a clear failure on Dixie’s part. After all, if you’re a Shore fan, you’re not going miss the program most likely. At least, not for a 7 minute segment (unless you’re a big JWoww fan). It would’ve made more sense to put this either before Jersey came on, or right after.
My biggest complaint is the fact that they paid so much for JWoww to have one appearance. I mean, fifteen grand? For one taping? If I was a female wrestler in the company, I’d be furious. They can’t afford to pay the women as much as the men, but they can afford to pay that much to have one person make one appearance? All the hype aside, that’s a big blow to morale. It also shows how little they think of the Knockouts Tag Champions, to have JWoww pose with a tag belt, but not have either Taylor or Hamada on the taping. This money could’ve been better served going somewhere else.
I am the eternal optimist, but even I find it hard to see a silver lining in this mushroom cloud. And this is a very big mushroom cloud indeed.
