Let’s face it, it’s happened to the best of us: the good, the bad, the beautiful, and well, quite frankly, it’s just makes the ugly; bad hair days! For the most part, when there just isn’t a thing to do with your hair, you could always throw it up in a bun, wrap it in a scarf, or even hide it under a baseball cap. But when you’re a WWE Diva or a TNA Knockout, there’s just no exception to those inexcusable mane events!
Join me as I countdown the Top Ten Worst Hairstyles in the world of WWE and TNA. From Divas To Knockouts, this is a Top Ten list you wouldn’t want to be apart of. In an extended version of Diva-Dirt.Com’s Project Diva, I’ll be ranking fahion: the best and the worst! So who will be in our mane event? Can you take a guess… think you know who it is? Well, join me, shall you, and let’s talk hair…
#10 – Mickie “Don’t Call Me Melina” James – Now face this; when Mickie James made her debut, a whole load of us had to do a double take. Was that Melina that just attacked Victoria, coming to the aid of Trish Stratus? The comparisons seem to have been endless on the Internet, which only added further flames to the fire in a much publicized backstage feud between the two. Ah, the good ole days when Melina’s Internet ignorance got the best of her with a shoot blog… and Mickie’s graphic Arby’s photoshoot first surfaced. Good times, I’m telling ya. So which side did you belong to? Team Mickie or Team Melina. Regardless of your preference, caught in-between was the thought: “That’s the best she could do with hair… DEBUT night?!” She has since come so far and has done so much… but I’m still thinkin’ Arby’s.
#09 – Awesome King Kong Braids – How do I even begin with this one? I get that Kong is supposed to be some ‘monster’ wrestler and the biggest threat to Women’s Wrestling, but really? With hair like that? To me, she’s just a seemingly robust woman with a speech impediment, and a really bad case of the braids – yeah, TNA means nothing to me, I don’t watch it. A shout out to all of our Clueless fans; remember when Dionne found that strand of “cheap polyester hair” in the back of Murray’s car… yep, looks like Kong gets her ‘hair did’ with the same slut. There’s nothing intimidating about braids, in fact, nothing good about braids either – NOTHING. Kong should grow out a fro ala Macy Gray, then she’d have the rest of us running like hell like we’re in pursuit of hair relaxer. Yikes!
#08 – Chaka Rhaka Kahn – Um, 2005 called, and they’d like Melina’s hair back, thanks. There’s a lot of volume in Kahn’s hair, and just a whole lot of color as well. It’s pretty crazy to look at, and hard not to think of a rats nesting area when doing so. I’m sorry, but our precious Melina couldn’t pull off this look, and Rhaka doesn’t even come close. We’ll explain later. Again, I don’t follow TNA so much, but I get the impression that the majority of their Knockouts tend to believe, “The bigger, the better.” Everything has to be over-the-top: from their ring attire, ring entrance, photoshoot and of course, their hair. Has nobody stopped along the way and said, “You know, maybe the Hot Tranny Mess look isn’t so good.” Kahn, wash your hair, take out your wrap, and look at some old Aaliyah pictures. It’ll do you some good, trust.
#07 – Cookies suck, so does the hair – Debra seems to have had a pretty interesting gay following. I’ve meet a couple of openly gay wrestling fans (the majority of male Diva supporters are indeed gay), and shockingly enough, Debra ranks right up there with the best of them on their “favorites list.” Debra hasn’t had many mistakes, aside from the quintessential ultra-bleach blonde hair that towers a good four inches from her scalp. However, there’s one photoshoot she had with WWE.Com that left the rest of us going coo coo for cocoa puffs! The way she had her hair pulled back left her looking more like an exotic bird than the fierce and fabulous future Mrs. & Ex Stone Cold Steve Austin. She may have been the epitome of sophistication, but even the ‘Cher’ of wrestling deserved a guitar shot with her bad choices.
#06- Faith, Heart & Hair Extensions – I can’t stress it enough… braids are just not cool, not even when COOL is in your name (or when their on your favorite Diva)! Michelle loves to get the point across that she’s not your traditional Diva, and perhaps the biggest tomboy of every Diva and Knockout we’ve had. However, throwing your hair back into braids not only looks like you don’t care about your hairstyle, it shows that we shouldn’t either! Michelle’s been the target for a lot of criticism these days, and the Milk Maid look does her no favors. Its okay to maybe try out the damn braid look once or twice, but this is a recurring tragedy in Michelle’s promising career. Am I going to remember her as The Great Butterfly Champion or the chick that wore the ugly braids during her reign? Knowing me, it’ll be the mouthful.
#05 – Pepé Le Pew & Rogue’s Love Child – The later reference has come. This girl is creative and she isn’t afraid of taking risks. That being said, our flamboyant little minx has run into a dozen don’ts along the way, all in the name of creating the chic, funky ‘Diva with edge’ that she has become today. I know I’m not alone when I say it was pretty difficult to get past the blonde strip in the middle of her head, and then the ‘mating call’ afterwards. Whatever her muse, it was just obscured more times than not. We’d often see her dress up the locks with voluptuous curls, but that goes without saying she wouldn’t ever go with donning some royal Regalia. But if all else fails, there’s comfort in knowing Melina has left her mark in both Rhaka Kahn and Beth Phoenix… right? Not.
#04 – Lies About Daughter, Remains Fugly While Doing So – Ashley is known for a lot of things: A slut, a wannabe, a slut, a big Biotch (Bitch Botcher), a slut and… a slut who was outed by Rolling Stone magazine and lost her job over it, yet totally lied about the daughter she already lied about having, saying that she was sick so we could at least feel somewhat bad that she’s…. well, a slut. Once upon a time ago, post tattoos and snake bites, Lita leftovers, and injury upon injury, Ashley didn’t seem so bad. She was the lesser of all evils known as the 2005 RAW Diva Search, remember? Fast forward to a failed career and convention signings, she’s just tore up from the floor up. Along the way, she did give us some pretty insane outfits and a butchered hair/dye job that still has me thinking… WTF was she on exactly???
#03 – AT&T, How May I Direct Your Call? The original Miss Jackie, ay, yi, yi, yi, yi! I ponder, has she ever gone a day without a bad hair day? I don’t recall any. Well, love him or hate him, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler is filled with one liners and quick wit jokes. My favorite of them all, puppies and kitties included, just so happens to be the line he used on Jackie: “Jacqueline’s got more extensions than AT&T!” Truer words have never been spoken. Jacqueline has gone through the bad braids, the bad weave, the bad wigs, and just… bad everything! She’s maybe had one or two good moments, but nothing Tyra Banks would consider. I love Jacqueline, Lord knows I do, but she’s the set example of “when bad hair happens to good wrestlers.” Stay strong, girl! You’ll figure it out someday…. I hope…
#02 – The (Not So) Beautiful People – Ew. Ew. And EW! You’ve got to admit, it’s pretty ironic, isn’t it? Two girls who go around calling themselves “The Beautiful People,” when you wouldn’t even consider such a white-trash lie just a few years back. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, there’s a joke. Angel Williams looked like a juiced up Tara Reid with, of course, the damn braids when she first surfaced. Talia Madison, she was just a hot mess from the get-go. She looked like the little wigger white girl, who, for the right price (so that she could afford her crack), would do anything your heart desired… Helms must be paying for that BIG TIME. Angel improved, Talia… no.
#01 – Luna Vachon. No Introduction Necessary. – Our Mane Event! Seriously, can you honestly think of anyone else that deserves such an honor? Luna was, is, and forever will be, the craziest bitch the world of wrestling has ever seen. Forget Crazy Victoria, Psycho Mickie and Angry Kong – Luna is the original. The shaved-to-the-scalp mohawk, excess blonde extensions with the terrible braids, this chick was either dedicated to her work, or really does have a few screws loose up there. A major character in both the Golden and Attitude Era of WWF, it won’t be likely we’ll ever see another female performer pull off such a character Luna Vachon commanded, and for the better of all of us, a hairstyle so hideous. From headlocks to hair locks, Luna, you’re mane event material!
