What’s up Knockout fans and welcome to this week’s Xplosion Watch. Today, I’ll present to you a match that seemingly slipped under everyone’s radars, yet thankfully, I managed to find it in a dark underworld of the internet; the things I do for you! This week we have to throw chronology out of the window as Taryn Terrell is still refereeing the match, so to avoid any form of brain injury that one might suffer.. I’m hypnotizing you as of this second! I urge you to ignore the commentary and believe me when I say that, the official this week is Janice Hornbrook and her appearance is a one-time deal, therefore, she won’t be getting a special clickable URL name here on Diva Dirt! The match Janice will be officiating sees Gail Kim clash with ODB. Will ODB ‘Eat Defeat’ or will Gail be on the receiving end of a big BAM!? Let’s take a look.
We kick things off back in the Impact Zone in Orlando, which I guess is the Xplosion Zone now(?) and the most magestic music transcends in my ear drums. It appears the heavens have opened as The Holy Gail herself, God Kim is making her way to the ring. The commentators mention tension between Gail and the official, but as far as I’m concerned, Gail and Janice get along fine, don’t know what they’re talking about! Out next is Gail’s adversary for tonight, one half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions (they have a tag team division?) ODB! The One Dirty Bitch slaps her breasticles and her nether cheeks whilst posing to the crowd, lovely…
Janice calls for the bell and Gail immediately picks at ODB’s image. She tries to smarten up her hair and button up her top/dress/cloth yet ODB is having none of it and decides to creep Gail out by rubbing and smacking her backside. Gail is reeled in like a fish as she charges at ODB, only to fall victim to a drop toe hold. ODB applies a front facelock and spanks Gail’s rear end, but Gail fires out of the predicament with a flurry of forearms. Gail rebounds off the ropes yet she walks right into a ODB’s chest. ODB then lifts her flap up (less of your dirty minds) and she reveals her underwear, and I have no words! Gail rushes at her trailer-living foe with a kick, yet ODB catches her mid move and levels her with a clothesline. ODB then rams Gail’s skull off of three turnbuckles before using her large assets to squash Gail in the corner. ODB then hits Gail with a dropkick, a move that sends the Canadian Ninja to the apron.
Gail, in typical heel fashion (watch and learn #KIMPACT fans) hangs ODB up to the dry on the top rope to take us to commercial break. Back from the adverts and Gail is still in control, choking ODB out with her boot. The first ever Knockouts Champion then continues to target ODB’s throat, pushing it against the middle rope with her knee. Following a forearm and a flying clothesline, Gail goes for a cover, yet she only manages a two. After a knee to the gut and an irish whip, Gail executes her vintage turnbuckle crossbody before pulling ODB to the mat by her hair and posing as cocky as can be on the apron.
ODB begins to fight out as she gets Gail in the corner, but as she runs towards Gail, she meets a stiff elbow to the mouth. Gail then locks in her beautiful flying dragon, or Christo submission, that leaves ODB gasping for air. One half of the longest reigning Knockout Tag Champs eventually manages to get out the move, dropping Gail with a sidewalk slam. ODB has her sights set on her flask of booze and after pushing Gail off a few times, she finally manages to get some down her neck! However, Gail clubs ODB’s back, causing the three-time Knockouts Champion to drop her alcohol! Gail continues to hit her foe, yet ODB begins to do her version of Hulking up, bitching up!
ODB powers Gail down with a series of shoulder blocks and then she squishes Gail with her milk ducts! ODB then confirms something we all knew, that she’s a “CLASSY BIATCH” by bronco busting Gail; let’s hope she didn’t do a Sean ‘X-Pac’ Waltman and do some damage to herself down there! ODB goes for a particularly provocative cover, yet Mrs Kim-Irvine forces ODB off. Mrs Young then gives Gail a taste of her dirty dozen before knocking all the air out of her with a Lou Thesz press.
Gail then takes control once more, by reversing a powerslam which she transitions into a hair-pull slam. She then mounts ODB and beats some class into her with a set of punches. Gail then has a moment of madness and samples ODB’s liquid courage, yet she spits the bright red drink right out, allowing ODB to capitalize with a corner charge. ODB then goes for the BAM, yet Gail holds onto the top rope, slides down ODB’s back and utilizes a schoolgirl roll-up, complete with feet on the ropes for the win.
Thoughts: This was a pretty fun match and standard for what you would expect to see on TV. The match got a decent time and was entertaining with ODB’s bizarre antics, and Gail trying a bit of booze was also entertaining. Gail’s offence wasn’t particularly innovative; her use of simple moves didn’t exactly set my world alight, yet the match flowed really well. It was a typical battle of face vs heel and I enjoyed it. Gail got the win too, well done oh holy one! Oh, and you’re unhypnotized now. And with that, stay tuned, Jack will be back!
