So like, you know how everyone has that one ex that they just can’t get out of their heads? That single person who consumes their every thought, their every desire, and makes you constantly ponder the various reasons as to why it didn’t quite work out with the two of you? Well, Impact is not that ex-lover for me, but it is the type of lover that when you’re drunk on the Fourth of July and you decide you want to text someone… well, you get my drift. I’m cheating on Monday Night Raw, and I feel like a dirty, disgusting, bottom-feeding, trash bag whore because of it. But sometimes, a girl just needs a little excitement in her life, and thats why I’m having a one-night stand with Impact. It’s been a couple of years since the two of us have shared a bed and whispered sweet nothings in one anothers’ ears, and yet here we are. Too much sunshine and PBR, barbeque ribs, and corn on the cob… have led us to this. Tonight, Impact and I are going to snuggle under the covers once again and set off our own fireworks. I just hope that come Monday, Raw will forgive me and take me back with open arms. Even the strongest relationships have tests of trust and loyalty, and at least I’m being honest with my infidelity.
As the saying goes, YOLO….
And YOLO is truly what I’m doing. Yes, it’s me. You’re resident Khaleesi, and while Eleri is out of town, I’ve taken it upon myself to slip into her bed and remind the Write-Up of the one who got away. You see, I am the one that got away; the shining light that made TNA sparkle. Maybe it’s manipulation on my part. Perhaps, it’s even downright dirty. But we all have egos. And I don’t want anyone, not even the Write-Up, to forget who I am. So my goal for tonight is to make this one night stand truly special. Not rose petals, and candles, and satin sheets special. That is reserved for Raw. But special in a too drunk to function, raunchy, rowdy, Fifty Shades of Grey special. So tighten your cuffs and get ready. If I’m going to cheat on my beloved Raw Redux, then you know that this is bound to one wild, wild ride.
Alright, so that’s probably an exaggeration since I did check the spoilers and there’s just one segment, but either way I’m going to enjoy myself. The urge to cheat on my spouse doesn’t hit me very often, so I’m going to make the best of it. Our segment tonight stars the champion of the Knockouts, Mickie James. When Impact cuts to a commercial, we see Mickie asking a stagehand if he has gotten the ladder she wanted. We fade out and when the program returns, Mickie is in the ring, ready to cut a promo.
Wow.
That promo by the champ was absolutely fantastic. Mickie James has been kind of an afterthought since Taryn Terrell and Gail Kim have been tearing down the house with their amazing matches and after seeing this, I think that’s a real shame. She absolutely oozes supreme bitchiness while playing a heel, and being that I don’t ever watch this show, I kind of marked out seeing her. I was a little nervous as she was climbing that ladder in those stupid heels, but she made it work and if she had butterflies, they didn’t show. Mickie put herself over and then some, and plugged the match for next week. I’m not going to spoil anything, but some are saying that Gail and Taryn’s ladder match is definite MOTY material.
I’m not sure if I’ll be watching, but I did enjoy Mickie’s segment tonight. She looks gorgeous, her character was spot on, and she definitely came off as a worthy champion.
We also got a chance to see Tara tonight, along with her boys: Big Brother‘s Jesse Godderz and Robbie E.
If nothing else, Tara looks INSANE. This woman never ages, I swear. I’m definitely loving the ombre she has going on with her hair, and I enjoyed seeing her at ringside tonight. If you guys are ever in the Chicago area, make sure you check out her restaurant, The Squared Circle. The food is reasonably priced and extremely delicious. I’ll never forget the look on Steven’s face when that pizza came to our table, haha. MEMORIES!!! And speaking of memories, how about running down the good, the bad, and the ugly one last time?
The Good: Mickie James, hands down. I can’t stress enough how great she was tonight and I can only be disappointed that her segment didn’t last a little longer. The Knockouts have always been the better part of Impact and tonight wasn’t an exception. Also, Tara. So hot.
The Bad: AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Kazarian. AJ Styles and that hair, and Daniels and Kaz looking like disco era porn stars. Also Daniels stroking that stuffed animal cat was a little creepy for me.
The Ugly: Nothing was really ugly tonight other than Chris Sabin not being nearly as sexy as he was when I last watched the show. I’m just going to mourn the loss of the Motor City Machine Guns when I go to bed tonight.
Not much else to write about tonight. I’m kind of sad that this one night stand is coming to a close. It reminded me of when I first got started with Diva Dirt. I guess that’s why I wanted to go back. You always have a soft spot for your first, no matter how bad it was, or how long it didn’t last. So the one night stand wasn’t all Fifty Shades of Grey, but it was decent and kind of pleasant. Not bad for a drunken Fourth of July romp.
Until I convince Raw to take my cheating butt back… Khaleesi out!
