Bear with me, folks. I’m taking on the monstrous task of filling in for Cryssi and writing this week’s Raw Redux. It’s a little bit intimidating, but I think I can handle it. Just don’t expect a Redux as long and glorious as Cryssi’s usual output. Also, this thing will be linear. I’m not doing the Quentin Tarantino thing Cryssi usually does. Ok? Let’s get going!
This week’s Raw opened, as it often does, with the Administration delivering their weekly dose of intimidation and suppression to the WWE locker room. However, things didn’t go all that smoothly:
After Stephanie McMahon announces the Divas Championship match amongst other big Hell in a Cell matches (nice), the Big Show, no longer Stephanie’s prized knockout punch generator, commandeered the Titan Tron and trash talked her and Triple H, at one point saying that when one sleeps next to Stephanie every night, they can never get up on the right side of the bed. Ouch!
Stephanie yells at a poor soul at ringside, eventually getting Big Show’s connection cut, acting like a magicians and making him disappear after a five count. Well, that solves that, right?
Yeah, not so much. Daniel Bryan decided to buck their authority as well, entering for his match early and ruining Triple H’s introduction for Dean Ambrose. Things aren’t getting off to a good start for Mr. and Mrs. Stephanie McMahon.
Later in the backstage area, after appointing Vickie Guerrero to the prestigious position of “just not screwing anything up”, Stephanie and Triple H came across Shawn Michaels, who pointed out that the old “take over the Titan Tron” trick was always funny when he and Triple H did it. Skip to 0:50 in the video below:
Of course, those hijinks were the equivalent of fart jokes and penis doodles, whereas the Big Show’s actions were breaking the law! That was the gist I got from this segment, anyways.
Next up, it’s Divas time! Brie and Nikki Bella (returning to action for reals this time) are taking on AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka:
Brie and Tamina start things off, with Tamina manhandling Brie pretty easily. She knows to work that sore shoulder, even though Brie took the target bandage off of it for this bout.
Brie fights out of a hold, flipping backwards toward her corner and tagging in Nikki. Yay, Nikki’s back in the ring!
Nikki’s first move is a double dropkick with Brie, knocking Tamina to her knees. She then hits her with a spinning facebuster, going for an early pin attempt that Tamina powers out of.
As Tamina gets to her feet, Nikki pounces, hitting her with a cool-looking leaping snapmare. She follows Tamina to the other side of the ring but gets tossed through the ropes to the outside, knocking her repaired shin. Tamina grabs her by the hair and easily yanks her up to the ring apron, pulling her hair and choking her against the middle rope before hot-shotting her onto it.
Tamina hits Nikki with a suplex and goes for the pin, getting a two-count. She puts Nikki in a choke hold, wearing her down as AJ watches on with her manic smile. Nikki powers out, but before she can get free, Tamina slams her to the mat. Then, for good measure, Tamina knocks Brie off the apron.
Pissed, Brie enters the ring, distracting the referee, but not long enough for Tamina to start to choke Nikki on the ropes. The referee gets her to break the hold quickly. Tamina scoop slams Nikki twice and gives her a hair mare, wearing her down even further. She tags in AJ, who simply goes for the pin. Nikki kicks out.
AJ latches in a sleeper hold on Nikki, while Brie gets the crowd to cheer on her twin. Nikki gets to her feet and backs AJ into a corner, knocking her off her back. Nikki starts to move toward her corner, but a firm kick to the back sends her to the mat.
AJ stomps Nikki in the corner, celebrating a bit and hitting empty turnbuckle when she charges towards Nikki. This gives Nikki enough time to tag in Brie, who comes in guns-a-blazing. She hits AJ with a series of clotheslines and dropkicks before nailing her with a missile dropkick from the second rope. Brie goes for the pin, but no dice.
Brie brings AJ to her feet, but AJ fights her off, kicking her in the stomach and slamming her back to the mat. AJ bends to pull Brie to her feet, but Brie surprises her by rolling her into a single leg crab! Brie sees Tamina entering the ring to stop this and meets her head-on, knocking her out of the ring.
AJ tries to take advantage of this distraction, but Brie knocks her down, leaving AJ leaning against the bottom rope. Brie goes for her running knee strike, but AJ dodges it and a returning Tamina gets a face full of Bella knee.
AJ tries to roll Brie up, but Brie fights out of it again, immediately hitting her with a great looking Bella Buster and once again pinning the Divas Champion!
Brie and (a slightly unenthusiastic?) Nikki celebrate while AJ makes her customary defeat departure, being carried limply away by Tamina.
Of course, I’m probably looking into Nikki’s reaction waaaaay too closely because I desperately want her to turn heel, but she does look a little annoyed. Please let something happen at Hell in a Cell! I’m not here for a slow burn.
It’s clear that AJ’s usual tricks aren’t getting the job done, so it stands to reason that she’ll have to bust out the big guns to keep her title this Sunday. But what will she do? Stash a pair of brass knuckles in Tamina’s leather vest? Either way, I don’t see her trying the “distract and roll up” strategy after seeing is blow up in her face two times in a row.
We also got a Funkadactyl sighting, as Cameron and Naomi accompanied Ton of Funk to the ring for their match against the Real Americans:
I really hope they find more for Cameron and Naomi to do soon, because this managing thing is getting old. I think I’ve been spoiled by them being included in an actual Divas storyline over the past few months.
Lastly, we have a contract signing for Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton‘s title match this Sunday.
As is the custom with contract signings, things did not go smoothly. However, how it broke down was pretty unexpected:
That’s right.. Big Show comes in, Steve Austin-style, with a semi truck that he drives right up to ringside. Though, instead of spraying beer on the Administration, her merely honks the horn and waves at them to demonstrate that nothing can keep him from doing what he wants. Daniel Bryan lays out Orton and joins Show at the truck, closing the show with a chorus of “Yes!”
Well, that was fun. Until next time, readers!
