Oh lard. I can’t even begin to describe how busy I have been this week. This is actually the first time I have been able to actually sit down and breathe without having to rush to get things done. I know this is late and I’m so extremely sorry. My last two days have been the busiest. I started a new day job and by night, I’ve been working my stage manager/technical director position for the local theatre company I work with. It’s been absolute insanity so I apologize that the write-up was put on the back burner for a bit. After this week, my schedule with definitely even itself out. But anyway, here it is and I hope you aren’t insanely angry with me. I love you all.
Last week, we saw a beatdown of “epic” proportions in a street fight. One of our beloved Knockouts took on a returning crazy from the trailer park in what turned out to be one of her better showings. We also saw a tag team match between the resident horror movie creations and two veterans, who can definitely pull it together as a team.
This week, the madness continues except this time, we see a pair in action that we’ve all been missing as of late. There is also another random wild card thrown into the mix with the return of a rather jacked up former employee. I have no words for this so please, just give the box office your ticket and find your seat. Turn off all cellphones and please, no flash photography.
We pop up behind Velvet Sky and Miss Tessmacher, making their way down the back hallway. Is it me or does it always look like a construction site? They’re talking smack about their opponents for tonight, going for the rice and beans angle. Yawn. It was only funny when Karen Jarrett said it, mkay? Velvet says that now that Miss BAM is gone, she can focus on other things, which seems to be the tag team titles. She and Tessmacher together for the first time. Tessmacher says she needs some bling with her outfit and then they go on to grope each other’s backsides. I’m not sure what the purpose of grabbing a handful of the other’s ass really is but I doubt many people watching are complaining. Just saying.
Out in the ring already are Mexican America. Sarita and Rosita are ready to do this but Earl Hebner has other plans. He immediately goes on the defense, kicking Hernandez and Anarquia out of the ring, sending them to the back. Naturally, being the ghetto gangsta that she is, Rosita goes for the earrings first and Hebner’s face second. Gotta preserve the jewelry, baby, even if they do look like giant hula hoops on her head. Second to the ring is the team of Velvet and Miss Tessmacher. The crowd goes absolutely apeshit for the pair and can you blame them? They’re hotness. And can you believe it?! Tessmacher is finally wearing a different color!!! Two different colors!!! Be still my ever beating heart!
And for the first time in a long time, Velvet gives Taz exactly what he wants and LETS THE PIGEONS LOOSE! It’s just like one big strip club performance in the ring. I was tempted to start throwing dollar bills at first. You know you were too. Starting this match off, Sarita and Velvet, who have a history of their own. The fiery Latina gets the upperhand at first but Vel Vel battles back , standing kicks in the corner. All that shimmy can’t help you when it comes to a fight. Velvet pulls Sarita out of the corner and one half of the defending champions whips the blonde into the ropes, going for a dropkick. But Velvet stops herself against the rebound and Sarita falters. Velvet charges her and goes up, wrapping her legs back around Sarita and counters the would-be splash into an armdrag.
Cue the first tag to Rosita.
The little bitty Knockout makes her way in and gets dropped with a toe hold, snapped into a reverse headlock. A tag to Miss Tessmacher, who comes in with a pop double sledge to Rosita’s back. Tess fights her back into the ropes and sends her back across, which Rosita turns into a potential flipping back elbow. A no-go and Tess hits her with another sledge, landing a nice backdrop. She immediately goes to work on the little one’s arm and tags in Velvet…or I think she tagged in Velvet. They went for a second try just to make certain, but whatever. The last standing BP is in the ring and she’s on Rosita with that arm wrench. But little one calls on her older cousin, who distracts the referee long enough for a thumb to Velvet’s eye.
A tag to Sarita and I had to take a pause for breath. These bitches are everywhere. But now Sarita is in and she gets flipped over, bounced back and forth like a ping pong ball. Add a pair of double team slams into the turnbuckles and a running clothesline. Damn. Tessmacher goes a pin but it’s just not good enough. Another rebound and Tess goes up, nailing a jumping armdrag takeover but she gets stopped in her momentum with a big forearm to the chest from Sarita. A shimmy drag to the corner and Rosita is the legal woman again, right after a double team. Rosita goes for a leg drop but Tess rolls out of the way, causing her to fall right on her ass. A crawl to the opposite side and yet another tag is made. Velvet is back in and she wastes no time in charging the hell out of little Rosita. It amazes me how I still cringe everytime Rosita takes a bump. She’s so damn tiny. I feel like I need a microscope to watch her.
Velvet, looking to go for a DDT, gets slightly cut off by Rosita but a reversal sends them back into the corner. Rosita is up, her feet are on Velvet’s shoulders and she is looking for a hurricarana. But a blind tag from Sarita and Velvet drops the little loca down hard to the mat. Sarita runs in and Velvet drops her with a move I haven’t seen her pull off before. Definitely coming off with some impressive offense, I can tell you that. A ring around and there’s another blind tag, this time from Tessmacher. A dropkick to mucha loca, who rolls back and tags in little loca, who comes in and gets dropped with a flapjack. For some reason, Sarita felt the reason to club Tess before she can go for a pin but Velvet comes in, taking her out of the equation.
A double team effort looks to ensue but Velvet steps away from her partner, her attention being drawn to the stands. Sure enough, flask in hand, stands ODB. The dirty bitch couldn’t even bother to get a new outfit, then again, if you’re unemployed…
Either way, Tess is left in the ring with the Loco Latinas, who take full advantage of the fact. Sarita drops her with a powerbomb and Rosita does some little flippy nonsense. It leads to a pin on Tessmacher and even after Velvet saw what was going on, didn’t climb into the ring until the bell was rung. Tessmacher is not happy and Velvet is trying to defend herself. Tess rolls out of the ring and Velvet tells ODB to get her ass in the ring. Vel Vel opens the ring ropes for ODB, who tells her to open them bigger because she’s a big bitch. Haha. You got that right. But Velvet is ready and keeps her eyes on her new found foe. Which leaves her back vulnerable and out of nowhere, some crazy bitch comes out of the crowd, attacking her from behind. Who the hell..?!
The beatdown cues ODB to jump the barricade and jump into the ring, pulling a double team on Velvet. I still can’t figure out who the shit that is. I think it’s probably….Oh my God. It’s Jacqueline. It’s motherf***in’, Jacqueline! Where in the hell did she come from?! Let me tell you, this bitch…I can’t even. Security runs down and she just drives into the full grown men like they’re nothing. She and ODB together, rough and tumble with no care for consequences. Thankfully, Velvet manages to roll to the outside but Jackie doesn’t let her get away that easily. And with both ODB and Jackie on her at the same time, I’m pretty sure that’s a trio that Velvet wants nothing to do with.
You have no idea how bad I just want to show up at the Impact Zone and run in. If you had any idea how many bitches like ODB and Jackie that I’ve had to deal with. I’m from the south. I deal with redneck hellcats all the time. And I mean, since Bischoff and Hogan are just letting random people with no contract appear on the show…I’m just saying. Start a trending topic on Twitter. I’ll be Velvet’s partner and I’ll wear more than one outfit while doing it. Haha. But back to the show itself, ODB tells Velvet that she’s lucky and spits toward her, telling her to kiss her fat ass. Well, at least she embraces it. It could be worse. She could be in denial.
Later on, backstage, we see Jackie and ODB walking back through the curtain. ODB says that she isn’t leaving just because a little whore beat her ass once. She says this Knockout division is the shit and they are there to clean it up. Jacqueline keeps repeating herself and finally says, screw that skinny bitch. Let’s go grind your pooty tang on the ropes and…what the hell?! Just shut the hell up already. YES! Out of nowhere, Velvet comes running and takes ODB down but it doesn’t take long for the double team to come about. This really isn’t saying much for the careers that you’ve had, letting it come down to this. You pride yourselves on being strong, independent wrestlers but you double team on someone who obviously cannot defend herself to that level. Screaming profanities, telling her that she’s stupid and a skank. I think I missed the bus that took us all back to junior high. My bad.
Thoughts: This whole ordeal with ODB and Velvet just keeps pissing me off more and more. It just keeps turning into this whole bullying effort that I really can’t stand. It’s one thing to have a valid reason to be pissed at someone, it is another to come out of nowhere and beat someone up continuously because you’re jealous. It truly makes ODB look bad and now, Jacqueline. Jackie has always prided herself on being a strong woman who can hold her own in the wrestling world. And now what? I don’t understand it. Jackie always considered herself to be sexy and powerful, no pun intended. And she truly was but not anymore. I can’t take away from what they’ve done in the past, but as a major fan, I can definitely say that I can’t be from this point on. The only thing that can make this better is if Lita comes out of nowhere, helps Velvet beat the hell out of those two and changes Impact Wrestling forever. But I don’t see that happening. Haha. If you don’t like my opinion, deal with it. It’s my opinion and again I must say, it does not necessarily reflect that of Diva Dirt as a whole. For those of you who read and value opinions, thank you. I am very tired of seeing people complain about my opinions. I don’t complain about yours. I value them. Until next week, my lovies! xoxo
What did you guys think about this week’s Impact? Tell me about it!
