With the start of a new year comes the inevitable promises one makes to one’s self. They range from dieting or learning a new language to cutting out vices or staying optimistic. While we at Diva Dirt fully encourage this practice, we feel that a lot of those fall a bit short; to be blunt, they’re a bit generic. So, to spice things up a bit, we’ve put our heads together and come up with a few interesting, life-improving new year’s resolutions for the women of wrestling. This is all in good fun, so we suggest that you don’t try these at home (i.e., take them too seriously). That is, of course, unless you’re the ones to which we’re suggesting them. If that’s the case, we say try away!
Alicia Fox: “I will rethink my hair coloring choices.”
Angelina Love: “I will cease my monopoly over the TNA title belts purely on the grounds that a regular belt will hold up my pants just as well.”
The Bella Twins: “We will find our own identities.”
Beth Phoenix: “I will get the word “glamazon” into Webster’s dictionary.”
Chelsea: “I will perfect my English accent.”
Cookie: “I will, for my next trick, spoof Danielle Staub.”
Daffney: “I will, in an effort to reignite TNA’s interest in me, give David Flair a call.”
Eve Torres: “I will stop “crunking”.”
Gail Kim: “I will cut a promo. This isn’t “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings” and I am not a mute.”
To see the rest of our faux resolutions, click onward.
Kaitlyn: “I will, in the interest of fairness, relinquish the rabbit’s foot that has been my saving grace up until this point.”
Kelly Kelly: “I will discover a new shade of pink.”
Lay-Cool: “We will find a synonym for the word “flawless”.”
Madison Rayne: “I will scream “EXCUSE ME!!!!” at least once on television.”
Maryse: “I will become Mrs. Vince McMahon.”
Melina: “I will invest in a glove and challenge opponents to duels in order to quench my slap-lust.”
Mickie James: “I will not record a second album.”
Natalya: “I will take my liberties as Divas Champion to give the belt a butterfly-ectomy.”
Rosa Mendes: “I will keep my control freak tendencies in check and allow my opponents to eliminate me from battle royals instead of doing it myself.”
Sarita: “I will take salsa lessons.”
Tamina: “I will teach Santino how to play the ukulele.”
Tara: “I will drive faster than 0.0005 miles per hour when entering the Impact Zone.”
Velvet Sky: “I will be the leader of the Beautiful People.. finally.”
Winter: “I will be Angelina…I will be Angelina…I will be Angelina…”
