Hello and welcome to another fantastic edition of the Diva Dirt WWE NXT recap! I am your host, the one and only… Cryssi! I wish I could say I’m cute and cuddly, but I’d be lying and I don’t really feel the need to do that because lying is wrong. But what I do feel like doing is going on record as saying that Matt Striker has really gorgeous blue eyes. Anyway, last week season two of NXT officially kicked off and all of us were given a small sample as to what we should expect for the remainder of the season. Smackdown mean girls and co-Women’s Champions, Layla and Michelle McCool, are the mentors of Kaval, and we got to sample that mixed up relationship very briefly. It was enough of a tease to leave the majority of us wanting more and this week we got more. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!
Blue Eyes himself is standing in the ring to greet us as the show gets underway. As usual, we were treated to a video package highlighting the debut episode of season two, and now Striker wants to have all the unanswered questions, answered. He says they’re going to bring everyone out and that’s just dandy. He announces the rookies first and NXT’s resident frat boy, Alex Riley struts out. He doesn’t really impress anyone because he looks like a love child produced by a DJ Gabriel/Mike Mizian one night stand. Following behind Riley is El Freaky, Eli Cottonwood, and then the adorable Husky Harris. Harris certainly gets a better introduction this week since the bland Cody Rhodes isn’t speaking and that makes me happy because I quite fancy Husky. He’s precious. Our boy, Kaval, is fourth and I love that Josh Mathews mentions that the most intriguing pairing is Kaval and Laycool. It really is. Percy Watson comes out and dear Lord. I still have issues with this person but he took a step in the ring direction this week by wearing puple. I can handle purple a lot better than I can handle red and he doesn’t really stick out like Megan Fox’s deformed thumb this week. Michael McGillicutty, the extremely hot and pretty Lucky Cannon, and Titus O’Neil round out the rookies.
The pros are announced next and Mr. Beautiful gets the coveted position of walking out first. As good as JoMo looks in his ring gear, he looks even better in street clothes, and the dapper button down tie-dye looking shirt he is wearing tonight is simply stunning. The man should be a model. He’s just that perfect. Behind Morrison, is none other than Cody Rhodes but really, who cares? It’s Cody Rhodes. The reason we watch NXT, Laycool, is out third and like usual, they look FLAWLESS! Michelle and Layla are both sporting minidresses again this week and they’re of similar style. Michelle’s is more my thing, but Layla is rocking the hell out of hers. Loving it! MVP, the Intercontinental Champion and my fellow Celtics fan Kofi Kingston, and Mark Henry all come out.
And then Zack Ryder comes out.
We all talk A LOT of smack about Sheamus being so blindingly white, but dudes, Sheamus’ whiteness isn’t near as blinding as this fluorescent yellow shirt Zack Ryder is sporting. This isn’t just yellow. It’s ridiculously yellow. This shirt is so bright and yellow it makes caution tape look dull by comparison. You almost need sunglasses to look at the television screen if you’re fortunate enough to be able to watch in HD. And you know, I’m SO not the one to exaggerate or anything, but I could probably look directly into the sun sans protective eyewear and end up less blind than I would be if I looked directly at Zack Ryder’s shirt. Totally true.
Did I really just devote an entire paragraph to Ryder’s yellow shirt? Shameful.
With everyone settled in the ring, Striker acknowledges that the rookies probably have a lot of questions about what went down the previous week and he eludes to the fact that he knows, but it would be much better if the pros just explain it. For whatever reason, Striker nominates MVP to speak to the group so Percy’s mentor takes the floor. MVP tells them to relax and calm down. He agrees to a certain extent that the NXT season two guys have a right to be angry, but they can just turn off their emotions because things are just hunky dory now. There will be no confrontations, finger wagging, scoldings, or brow beatings. He says he will explain everything. Last week was an initiation, he claims. Being a WWE superstar is the highest honor a wrestler can earn and MVP firmly states that none of the pros are going to just hand that title over to the rookies. All of them have got to earn it just like their pros have done. Nevermind that at least four of the pros on this season competed in or won contests to get their job.
MVP admits there was another message in the attack last week. He says that they wanted to punish the new rookies for the amazing attack on Cena horrible attack on Cena and teach them a lesson. MVP actually spews a bunch of BS about this crap making the new guys stronger in the long run and that it will make them better. He adds that the pros are here to teach them and that they have to work hard in order to learn. The camera ends up on Percy, who has the stupidest look etched across his face that I’ve ever seen, and I’m sure I’m making a similar look because really, who died and made MVP the motivational speaker of the group? He continues to drone on and on about them doing this the right way. He demands to know if the rookies are ready to move and if they’re ready to bury the hatchet. MVP wants to know if they’re all cool and his rookie claims that they all are. All the rookies and pros shake hands signifying their unbreakable bonds for the rest of the season.
Of course Laycool can’t shake Kaval’s hand. They wrap him in a hug and start fussing over the poor thing. Michelle holds Kaval’s head close to her heart, while her BFF kisses their rookie’s cheek and starts to giggle. Kaval remains stonefaced and thankfully for him, Striker saves the day and gets the girls off of him. Michelle and Layla look extremely annoyed by this but what can they do? They have to stand there and let Striker speak. He reminds us of how the show will work this year. After he finishes that, he asks Kaval and Alex Riley to step forward. Striker makes a match between the two tonight and Laycool immediately being to jump up and down. They’re all over Kaval like he’s a tasty piece of chocolate cake and Riley just looks disturbed by this whole scenario. The girls begin rubbing Kaval’s shoulders and giving him a pep talk as the news sinks that this match is seriously going to happen. The pros and rookies start leaving the ring and as Husky watches all the attention Kaval gets he goes “What about me?” Brilliant. That guy has a lot of personality. Riley starts talking shit and Michelle gets smart with him. Kaval ends up with the belts and the scene fades to our first commercial break of the night.
As soon as the break is over, Michael Cole tells everyone that the show is back and Michelle’s theme song is playing. Laycool are standing in the ring with Kaval and of course, they’re touching him. Layla and Kaval actually look pretty cute together since they’re both so little! Anyway, both girls have microphones and oh boy. This should be epic. The music fades and Michelle turns towards Alex. She politely says “Excuse us, Alex” and tells everyone that before the match starts, they want to introduce everyone to their rookie. Michelle says that he’s cute. Layla says that he’s cuddly. And they both scream his name. Alex Riley looks truly horrified for Kaval and Kaval just stands there. What can he really do? He’s at the mercy of these two femme fatales. His video package starts to play.
Kaval was raised in Brooklyn, New York on an Army base where his father was stationed. Adorable baby pictures are shown and Kaval talks about how he’s carried the discipline of the military people he knew around all of his life. I guess that’s why he’s so serious. He grew up watching wrestling with his father and that’s how he decided he wanted to become a star. Kaval’s been competing in the ring since 1998 and he’s wrestled all over the world. He became a champion in Japan and competed in front of forty thousand people in the Tokyo Dome. He lets us know that his experience automatically gives him an advantage over the rest of the guys competing. He talks about how his size puts him at a disadvantage but his heart sets him apart. He doesn’t care how big his opponents are or how great they are. None of them can cope with the intensity he brings to the table each and every week.
The video package ends on that note and the bell rings signaling the start of the match between Alex Riley and Kaval. Laycool have joined Mathews and Cole at the commentary table and this promises to be hilarious and awesome all at the same time. Riley immediately starts talking smack but Kaval is not one to be lured into those games. Laycool is introduced and Michelle asks the two men their opinion on how the girls look tonight. Before they can answer, she answers for them and the general consensus is that Laycool looks nothing but flawless. Layla squeals that Josh Mathews is really cute despite the fact he is so small, and Michelle adds that he could never get a girl quite like them. Layla agrees of course but still, Josh Mathews is kind of cute, and yea, there is a match going on.
Riley is still running his mouth but eventually the two lock up with the bigger, more powerful frat boy getting the upper hand. He kicks Kaval back a bit, forces him to the ropes, and grabs him a side headlock. Kaval fights his way out of it and forces Riley into the ropes. Riley comes back with a thundering clothesline and poor Kaval ends up on the mat right as Laycool declares that they are going to bring a whole lot of Flawless to the experienced “rookie”. Riley plays to the pros while Kaval gets back to his feet. He’s taunting his opponent while Laycool talks about how serious Kaval is. They claim they’re gunna turn his frown upside and down. Kaval and Riley are circling each other and it appears that they’re going to lock up. Kaval does a fake out and begins slamming Riley with martial arts style kicks that look pretty stiff and convincing. Kaval gets Riley into the corner and nails him a few times, which gets the crowd into the match. Riley moves over to the middle of the ropes but manages to reverse a whip attempt. Kaval comes flying back at him and Riley goes for a clothesline. Kaval ducks, kicks Riley in the side, then kicks him in the stomach, and finally he just knocks the other guy to the ground.
Michael Cole brings up the fact that Kaval practices Taoism and Laycool give a collective “Taoism?!” Cole informs that’s a religion but Michelle declares that Kaval needs to practice Laycoolism. Layla freaks out over this and basically decides right then and there that Laycoolism is the greatest thing ever. All this happens as Kaval attempts to pin Riley. It doesn’t work out for him and finally Alex gets control back. He tries to bully Kaval in the corner, but the feisty Brooklyn native isn’t having it. Alex sends Kaval across the ring into the opposite corner and charges at Kaval, but Kaval jumps on the second rope, locks his legs around Alex’s neck, and takes him to the mat. Laycool are totally approving this and Layla claims that Michelle taught him that. Michael Cole doesn’t seem to the believe that and well, neither do I, but Michelle tells us that she’s a teacher and she likes to teach Kaval things. No perv jokes, please!
Kaval has Alex grounded and he’s in serious trouble. Kaval gets him up but his high risk move backfires when Riley easily scoops him up and drops him into the ropes. Michelle and Layla are clearly upset by this. Michelle doesn’t like the fact that Alex could have hurt Kaval’s face and Layla is just freaking out because that totally had to hurt. They show a lot of sympathy for their rookie which is so hilarious to me. No other pro is going to freak out when their rookie is getting pummeled like Laycool is doing. Kaval is withering around in pain and Michelle tells him to come to them so they can help. It’s not like he can hear because he’s in the ring and they’re on commentary, but it’s a nice gesture and they really do seem to care about him. I love this so much. NXT goes to commercial.
We return to see Alex Riley firmly in control and Laycool looking visibly saddened at this turn of events. The Miz’s absence is finally explained, and Laycool don’t really give a crap. Kaval gets planted face first into the mat as Cole reminds us that the Miz is the new United States Champion. Michelle stoically scoffs at that and says “And we’re Women’s Champion”. Alex goes for a cover and Laycool start screaming at Kaval to kick out. He does, which pleases the girls and the crowd starts to get behind Kaval. He rallies and uses his superb fighting skills to get Alex off of him. He takes him down but instead of going for the cover, Kaval jumps up and lands square in the middle of Alex’s chest. Laycool squeal in delight over this turn of events and the crowd seem really appreciative of the way Kaval has fought his way back into the match. Michael Cole starts to talk about how Alex Riley has a double bachelor’s degree and how Kaval just wants to be a Simpsons’ character. Michelle’s mama bear instincts come out and she leaps to Kaval’s defense saying that Kaval’s pro has a Masters degree from Florida State and then it’s mentioned that Kaval’s other pro won the Diva Search.
Masters Degree & Diva Search Winner > Two bachelor degrees
Both men climb to their feet and Kaval starts to fight with Alex. He takes him down with a clothesline and shows off his impressive array of fancy footwork. Alex ends up in the corner and Kaval puts him in an illegal hold on the ropes. He breaks it right before the five and eventually ends up going for the pin. He only gets a two count. Cole starts to talk about how impressive Alex Riley’s pedigree is and Laycool could care less. Michelle puts over herself and her lineage and finally Michael Cole just shuts up. Kaval catches Riley on the jaw and looks around. He takes a little to much time as he scales the top rope and once he launches himself off, he misses his finisher. He does land on his feet, but Alex is waiting. He scoops him up, hits him with a high impact move, and Alex Riley, the Varsity Villain, gets the win. Laycool are shocked.
Striker gets in the ring and Alex Riley puts over the Miz’s win and how he is partying in Los Angeles right now. Riley says he was asked to join but declined, saying he could take care of business all by himself. Striker turns to Laycool for their thoughts on this match. Layla begins to clap for Kaval, who is trying to collect himself, and after that, Michelle decides to get real. She says that Laycool aren’t used to losing but she does say Kaval did a good job. Layla chimes in by saying it was Kaval’s first match and Michelle echoes that. She says with Laycool’s guidance, Kaval will be flawless in no time and she smiles brightly, stating that Laycool are going to help him. They’re so smiley and so excited, and they keep saying that they’re going to help him. Oh man.
Striker turns to the pros and asks JoMo what he thinks. He insults the Miz, then tells Alex he did a great job on looking cool and confident. Then he puts over the impressive kicks that Kaval displayed. Striker goes to Zack Ryder who says he doesn’t care about any of the rookies except for his. Then he says that the new ring announcer chick is pretty hot and tells her to call him. Welcome to the WWE, Jamie. Please don’t join the Zack Pack! Cole and Mathews wrap up that portion of NXT and introduce the video package for Eli Cottonwood.
He’s really strange.
A tag match featuring Kofi Kingston and Michael McGillicutty against Mark Henry and Lucky Cannon is announced next. A recap for Monday Night Raw is shown and I get a chance to stare at Justin Gabriel for a few seconds. Cole and Mathews shake their head at the image of Bret Hart being laid out by season one, and then go over the Fatal Fourway card. Once that’s complete (it’s not like there’s a bevy of matches to talk about), they show a video of Ryder and O’Neil from earlier. Ryder is actually acting normal for a change and even though he doesn’t come out and say it, he basically says that they’re the underdogs in the competition and they have to respect not just each other, but everyone else. Ryder’s only been with the WWE for three years and he wants to make sure Titus wins the whole competition.
After that brief segment, we get introduced to Husky Harris via video package. He’s super adorable, a Southern boy, and went to college in my state.
The tag team match finally starts. Kofi and Michael McGillicutty make their way to the ring first. McGillicutty is so pumped and he looks about the happiest to be in the ring that I’ve seen from any rookie thus far. You can already tell this guy has charisma and rightfully so. He is the son of Mr. Perfect and regardless of how his legacy ended, Mr. Perfect is one of the best damn athletes to ever grace the squared circle. Commercial break nonsense ensues but when we get back Lucky and Mark Henry are on their way to the ring. It appears that Henry and Kingston are going to kick things off, but Mark Henry is like “I want your rookie” and Kofi is like “sure, take him.” McGillicutty doesn’t seem to mind. He wants to earn his stripes so here we go. Mark Henry uses his power to show off and McGillicutty is starting to wondering what he’s gotten himself into. He doesn’t fare to well against Mark Henry, but dammit. He takes his beating well. He’s also wearing really ugly tights.
Pretty Boy gets tagged in and Michael Cole gets into a sob story about Cannon. He was in a fight, alongside his friend, at the tender age of 21. He got hit in the head with a steel pipe and was in a coma for awhile. He ended up losing forty-five pounds. Good grief. Now I want to vote for him too. Kofi eventually ends up in the match and he does some of his crowd pleasing moves on UnLucky. McGillicutty gets tagged in and he’s pretty solid in the ring. Cannon rolls out of the ring and Kofi and his rookie end up knocking Henry off the apron. Of course that signals that it’s time for a commercial break.
When NXT gets back on track, McGillicutty has Cannon down, but the poor pretty rookie is trying to fight his way back to his feet. It’s not working but you have to admire his fighting spirit along with his long flowing brown locks. Lucky finally gets some offense and even attempts a few pins. They both fail but we don’t care. He’s really pretty. Kofi plays cheerleader on the outside and the crowd kinda rallies behind Joe Michael. Hennig McGillicutty fights Mark Henry off, but ends up getting pushed into the corner. Cannon tags in and we get to see more rolling around from the rookies. Cannon fails at more pinning attempts and I’m laughing at Mark Henry and Kofi being total girls. They’re so into this. Kofi even goes a herky/toe touch thing when Hennig McGillicutty hits some big powerful move.
Hey. McGillicutty got the win. Kofi and his rookie babe celebrate the victory. Striker shows up and all men exchange handshakes. Awww sportsmanship. Kofi says a few nice words about his rookie and then Mark Henry says some sweet things about Lucky. Striker selects Cody Rhodesth to speak next and my ears start to bleed. He totally runs down Lucky Cannon for having a stupid look on his face.
Did Cody Rhodesth, his lisp, and his nosering really just make fun of someone’s face?
Cody continues to act like a dick as the rest of the pros look on. Mark Henry gets on the mic and jumps to Lucky’s defense. You go Kool Aid man! He challenges Cody to face Lucky in a match next week, and the other pros urge him to take the match. Striker gets excited, almost like a Twilight fangirl, and sprints to Cody to get his reaction. Cody finally accepts and Striker continues to badger Rhodes. He asks Cody what Lucky can expect next week and like a true loser, Cody attacks the poor announcer dude. Laycool look scared and the rest of pros are like “ooooh snap.” Michelle runs and gets Matt Striker a bottle of water as everyone else rallies around Striker to try and get him up. NXT finally concludes for the week. Poor Matty.
Another great episode of WWE NXT. I have a feeling that NXT is going to turn into the only show on WWE television worth watching because it damn sure isn’t Raw, unless Gabriel and his season one friends are involved. Lay-Kav-Ool dominated the first half hour and then some. Kaval is solid in the ring but we know that from his indy work. What I didn’t expect was how great Alex Riley is. Those two worked so, so good together and they had the best match out of the two, in my opinion. Laycool were brilliant on commentary and I loved their sparring with Michael Cole and Josh Mathews. They really are the best pairing on NXT. Their humor and flamboyance balances out Kaval’s seriousness perfectly and eventually something is going to happen with this trio. Laycool claim they’re going to teach Kaval their winning ways and he just doesn’t seem like he has any faith in them. It’s pure brilliance.
I can’t really say enough about Layla and Michelle tonight. They did better on the microphone than Cody Rhodes ever could, and dare I say it, JoMo too. The only person who probably overshadowed our gorgeous diva duo was Zack Ryder, all joking aside about his shirt. His backstage segment with Titus O’Neil showed a nice side to his personality. Everyone, including myself, was wondering why this guy was selected to be a pro. He knows his selection is controversial, to say the least, and playing this underdog role with Titus could end up taking both of them a long way. I loved how he hit on Jamie as well. We finally got to see her on camera. Homegirl’s haircut is gorgeous and she was rocking those knee high boots!
I’m very excited to see what will happen next week. Kaval probably won’t be in action but I bet anything that Laycool somehow gets all of us to talk about their rookie more than the others!
– Kaval (0-1)
– Husky Harris (0-1)
– Michael McGillicutty (1-0)
– Percy Watson (1-0)
– Titus O’Neil (0-1)
– Eli Cottonwood (1-0)
– Alex Riley (1-0)
– Lucky Cannon (0-1)
