This week I’m taking a different approach to the Redux. As I’m writing, I’m watching Raw for the first time so this is going to be sort of a live, running commentary. You’re going to get my first hand reaction at all the things going on as they happen. It’s either going to be epic, or it’s going to be a hot mess. I don’t have any idea what happened at Hell in the Cell, other than Beth Phoenix won, so lets just get started.
Tonight, Vickie Guerrero and her stable of mostly hot men, aired their grievances to the world about why they’re suing the WWE. Vickie’s main claim was that she felt that as a woman, she was especially vulnerable to the supposedly unsafe working conditions that the WWE represented. It’s a fair point, right? Taking a look back at Vickie’s history in the ‘E, she’s been involved some questionable angles to say the least, and out of everyone in that ring, she has the best argument for their case. Of course, Triple H comes out and he doesn’t care about what they want. He just tells them that they have to fight in their 12-man tag team match tonight, and leaves. As long as these people keep making him money, I suppose?
There’s a commercial break and before I can rest a bit, Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres come out to the ring. It’s going to be yet another Diva tag team match, and my concern with these ring entrances is that Kelly is smiling. Do we really need to get into the argument as to why babyfaces shouldn’t smile immediately after losing their title? I want to sue the writers. Paging Harvard grad David Otunga!!!!
Nevermind Otunga, Jim Ross and Michael Cole just covered for Kelly saying her smile is a front for her fans and that’s she extremely upset and hurting inside. I feel a little better now.
Anyway, Eve and Kelly play to the crowd and then wait for their opponents. I’m just going to take a wild guess here, but I bet they’re facing Beth and Natalya! Oh look, I’m right. Beth sure does look pretty with that butterfly belt. Can we please decorate it with spikes now?
DoD plays with the title outside of the ring, much to Kelly’s disgust, and she gives them the glare of DEATH! Seriously, if looks could kill, Beth and Nattie would be six feet under right now while Kelly tried to send them a few more feet under. Sheesh. Beth and Kelly start the match off and Beth happily throws the lavendar clad 2K outside of the ring. As Michael Cole tries to make the comment that Beth will make an example of Kelly tonight, Kelly slams Beth into the announce table. That was unexpectidly fun. Go Kel!
Oh look, she does it again. Oh wow, Kelly goes completely ape shit on Beth and starts screaming bloody murder. Google translate says she was saying all sorts of things I can’t write about, so lets just say she called Beth a very mean person for beating her last night. Natalya attempts to save her girl, but Eve uses her cat-like speed to break that up. She goes nutso on Natalya and begins beating the crap out of her. Meanwhile, Kelly is still in the midst of her psychotic breakdown and my goodness, that poor referee. He just tried to get in the middle of things and Kelly busted his eardrums with more things that Google translate won’t allow me to post. Thank goodness JR, Booker T, and Michael Cole have on headphones.
The deaf referee calls for the bell, having no other choice. Psych Ward Kelly and Crazy Eve Torres have lost their minds. I’m actually scared for criticizing Kelly’s smiling now. Please don’t hurt me, best Diva’s champion ever. Kelly doesn’t stop on her attack. Oh no! She slams the back of Beth’s head into the front of the table and when the new champ slumps to the ground, Kelly gets on top of her and starts punching her in the back of the head. She’s absolutely snapped. It takes the ref and Eve to pull Kelly off Beth and for some weird reason, the sound guy starts playing Kelly’s music. I’m in tears of laughter and amusement because this is honestly the greatest thing I’ve ever seen on Raw.
MORE OF THIS EVERY SINGLE WEEK AND ON SMACKDOWN TONIGHT BECAUSE I’LL BE THERE LIVE TONIGHT.
Wow.
Now that is logical Diva booking 101. Nothing else really needs to be said.
Part I
The 12-man tag team match seems like it’s next on agenda and as far as cluster-you-know-what tag matches go, it was pretty epic. Vickie was ejected mid-way through the match but it’s still worth a look if you want to see pretty good male in-ring action. If for nothing else, just enjoy Vickie rocking her adorable little black shorts.
Part II, no Vickie so skip if you don’t care
As far as the rest of Raw goes, I reckon it’s time for Triple H’s vote of confidence. I don’t really care about this, but we’re going to watch it and see if the Divas get a chance to say anything. You know, I’m only going to assume that people will be allowed to speak. If they don’t, well never mind this at all. We are live, for the most part, after all.
Part I
The Raw superstars are led to the ring by the coalition against Triple H, sans Christian and Cody, as they’re SmackDown talent. Vickie is there and it switches to SmackDown. Still no Christian and Cody, but here come the Divas! They’re out to Beth’s music and its a mix of SmackDown and Raw girls, including Beth, Nattie, Brie and Nikki Bella, Aksana, Alicia Fox, AJ, Kaitlyn, Tamina, and Maxine. The referees follow out the Divas and now more Superstars from SmackDown and Raw come out. Jerry Lawler, for some reason, gets his own ring entrance, and we’re still missing a few main eventers. We have a commercial and now I see Christian! I’m happy Cryssi again, and now it’s time to wait for Triple H I suppose.
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
Upclose camera shot of Christian. I approve. I also love how the Divas are out too. It’s their lockerroom too. Triple H starts to talk and says that everyone has a chance to speak about his job tonight. Please let a Diva talk so that this entire part of my recap isn’t pointless. Triple H continues to speak and Wade Barrett tries to interrupt. Trips puts a stop to that despite the fact he said everyone had a chance to speak. He finally allows the talent to speak. Wade Barrett has apparently been appointed the spokesperson for the talent. Oh dear. Thankfully his accent is so sexy. What he says doesn’t even matter at this point. Barrett makes some valid points. Now Triple H is going to run him down. SHOCKER!
A referee starts to talk and since it’s not the hot one or Scott Armstrong, I don’t care. This guy doesn’t like the fact the refs have to take bumps. Good point, I guess.
Hunter wants to reply to the refs, but Beth tries to get his attention. Phew. This isn’t pointless on my behalf. Yay! She calls his name but he continues to try and address the angry referees. Beth finally does get The Game’s attention and she’s speaking on behalf of all the Divas. They’re worried that since they’re girls something will accidentally happen to them, or worse, something will intentionally happen to them. She has a good point but personally, I think it would be awesome to have Divas and Superstars mixed up in some type of storyline. Hunter replies with all due respect to the Divas, he wants Beth to name one thing that has happened to them since he’s been in charge. Beth replies that she’s just saying it could happen, and that’s a great point.
Triple H kind of brushes her off and he wants to know if anyone else has anything to say. Jerry Lawler, the victim of anal bleeding just a week ago, takes the microphone. Actually no, he gets in the ring and then takes Hunter’s microphone. I really wish Stephanie were involved in this. Anyway, Lawler thinks there’s a conspiracy involved. He thinks someone is behind the scenes, pulling the strings, trying to sabotage Triple H’s reign as COO. I vote Stephanie.
Part II
Anyway, my boyfriend gets the mic and says it’s time for the vote of confidence. Christian votes for the Superstars and says no confidence. The referees vote for no confidence. Beth votes for the Divas and they also have no confidence in Triple H as COO. Jerry Lawler puts the final nail in the coffin and also votes no confidence. Lawler says that actions speak louder than words and he is reluctantly walking out. Who will follow him?
Our stable of Vickie and mostly hot men follow out Lawler. No surprise there. SmackDown goes, no shocker there. Raw isn’t even their show to begin with. Beth leads the Divas out. The Superstars crew, as well as FCW/NXT, and the referees leave. Mark Henry and Barrett leave, and all that’s left around the ring are the Raw stars who are seemingly never pushed. Michael Cole walks out, and finally what’s left of Raw disperses as well. Booker T tosses down his headset, gathers his things, and starts to head for the back as well. Jim Ross is shaking his head and Triple H looks so bummed out. The cameramen put down their equipment and they hit the bricks as well. All that’s left is good ole JR and Triple H.
Damn, who’s going to be at SmackDown tonight?! Want to cry right now.
Double damn. You know it’s bad when even Jim Ross decides to get up and walk out on you. Oh God, here comes Johnny Ace. Should we just end this Redux right here? Yes, because his appearance was completely pointless.
Well that was one interesting edition of Monday Night Raw. I’m kind of excited, nervous, and confused to see what happens on SmackDown tonight. I’ll be there live and tweeting what goes on, so if you want to know follow me @HEELCryssi. Until next week where the Redux won’t be live, Cryssi out!
