Last night was certainly a turn-up for the books. In what must be a first in Monday Night Raw history, we got not one, not two… but THREE Divas matches on last night’s show.
Has hell frozen over? Is the apocalypse upon us? Have WWE creative had their drinks spiked with Diva-loving happy pills?
So many questions are making me rack my brain right now yet honestly, I don’t even need the answer to any of the aforementioned questions. I don’t know what WWE were smoking yet I’m not questioning them; I’m just thankful! Even if all three matches were terrible (which they weren’t), I cannot complain with WWE for pulling off this unprecedented and awesome surprise. Great job guys. Who knew you could actually give us something we genuinely wanted?!
Allow me to breakdown tonight’s Raw with the help of an equation:
I’m Gonna Make You My Bitch x Pelagrosa + Yeah Baby + Slay ÷ (Brie Mode > Yeww No Waaaht + Girl Bye + #AllRedEverything) – “Foolish American”! + P-P-Party + Let’s Light It Up! x an enchanting, raven-haired lady = one epic episode of Raw!
Our first Divas sighting of the night is in the form of her Royal Highness, Queen Stephanie McMahon. She throws some major shade at CM Punk in his hometown before addressing the situation between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and confronting Paul Heyman. Check it out above.
After another Steph appearance backstage (with a majorly hot, authoritative stare towards the camera) it’s now time for our first of two Total Divas themed segments as we see three of the show’s cast, Natalya, Rosa Mendes and Summer Rae alongside a random Layla. Who needs to be a Total Diva when you’re totally… flawless! Who doesn’t miss LayCool?!
Natalya and Summer Rae will be taking on managerial duties tonight alongside Tyson Kidd (can someone check that Diva Dirt’s Bobby is ok please?) as Layla scraps with the Rosa, the latter still aiming (and failing) to get her first ever main roster win by pinfall or submission. The match starts with Layla overpowering Rosa in a collar-and-elbow tie-up before palming her disrespectfully in the face. Layla dodges Rosa before hitting a spin kick to the stomach. Rosa sells being thrown to the ground head first really well as Layla takes control of Rosa on the ropes.
Tyson and Nattie argue as a disinterested TJ starts messing around with his mobile phone. Natalya is always talking about forgetting her manners, what’s up with Tyson forgetting his? The shoe is on the other foot now Natalya!
Summer Rae takes snapshots of Layla’s attack on Rosa, an onslaught which continues with a rough rear chinlock. The not-so-happy couple in Mr and Mrs Wilson continue to bicker on the outside as Rosa mounts a comeback, kneeing and elbowing Layla in a desperate attempt to stop looking totally incapable. The match then begins to fall apart as it appears Rosa has no clue at what she’s meant to be doing and Layla has a really hard time at throwing her out the ring.
Outside, Summer Rae and Natalya catfight as Tyson couldn’t care less. Rosa takes advantage of the distraction, roughing Layla up before throwing her back into the ring to capitalise fully. Sadly, she doesn’t manage to as Layla hits her with the LayOut for the win.
Weirdest. Love Triangle. Ever.
BRIEEEEE MOOOODDDE!
Brie Bella and her catchy CFO$ theme song are the next equation elements to get my senses in a spin. Brie is rocking a plain black attire and the commentators mention that she is scheduled to be facing her estranged sister, Nikki Bella.
Back from the break, Nikki enters the arena and she’s certainly not dressed to compete… in a wrestling match anyway. Nikki’s eggs are not the only things frozen as in Chicago, the atmosphere was pretty frosty at this moment. Nikki rips into Brie, saying that she quit to seek attention from all of the fat, ugly losers in the audience who are even uglier than her troll-faced husband, Daniel Bryan. Whilst Brie was gone, Nikki was getting her ass-whipped in handicap matches week after week. Nikki says that tonight, it’s time for some payback as Brie will be competing in a two-on-one Handicap match. Who will be whipping Brie’s derriere? Cameron and Eva Marie.
*Cue the tumbleweed*
I’m not sure Eva Marie could even fight sleep successfully yet she’s ready to brawl regardless as she starts things off with Brie. Brie gets the best of the early action, taking Eva down with an armdrag. After working her over, Eva fights out, clubbing Brie on the back. Without Brie’s selling, that would have looked like Eva just patted her in all honesty. Brie turns the tide briefly by kicking a crouched Eva in the face and walloping Cameron in her mush too, yet Eva throws Brie hard on the back of her head.
The heels make quick tags, working over Brie as Cameron is shrieking like a possessed banshee. Brie makes enemies with the turnbuckle before Cameron hits a snap suplex. Nikki and her twins look on as Brie is wrenched in a chinlock; Cameron is vicious and I absolutely love it. Brie tries to shrug Cameron off after being flung into the corner and eventually does by throwing elbows and forearms left and right. Brie then dodges a sprint attack from Cameron, meaning the former Funkadactyl goes flying into Eva. A schoolgirl roll-up later and Brie has done what he sister couldn’t do and win a Handicap match!
Our weekly dose of the Ravishing Russian, Lana is next and she is looking all kinds of beautiful in black. The Ice Queen berates Big Show and Rusev says he’s wants to kick Big Show in the groin. No doubt Big Show will cry after hearing that because well, that’s what the World Largest Athlete is best at, right? Check out the classic heel tactics in the segment above.
The final delicious Divas dish served to us is a platter of WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee, Alicia Fox and Paige. Paige introduces Foxy as her “new best friend” and immediately think Volatile Cocktail should be their tag team name. They are sour, crazy and will definitely be able to knock your head off!
The sassy and classy Fox starts the match by shoving our oh-so-crazy Pocket Rocket of a Divas Champion to the mat. Alicia keeps the pressure mounting with some stiff forearms yet AJ bounces back with a gorgeous headscissor takeover. Following a corner clothesline and stunning spinning heel kick, Alicia retreats to the ringside area where she is comforted by her new BFF. (Sidenote: I’m not buying it!)
“She almost knocked my lipstick off!” – Alicia shall forever be known as LOLicia. Until I forget and not annoy everyone with that nickname. Alicia and Paige chat outside, unbeknownst to them that our Pocket Rocket is about to crash land! AJ hits a hard crossbody on her two crazy opponents with the move especially looking rough on Paige. For someone with such a small frame, AJ can get some momentum behind her! After a skipping session, AJ throws Alicia back in the ring ready to claim another victim. Paige tries to grab the champion though, distracting AJ big time. Alicia Fox hits her patented Scissor Kick and manages to knock off the champion! Sadly for Alicia, Eva and Natalya beat the current champ twice a few months back and they got nothing out of that, so don’t be expecting anything you batsh*t babe!
After the match, the assault continues as Paige stomps at AJ’s limp body. AJ manages to get some adrenaline as Alicia gets some soda from under the ring yet as soon as she gets back in the ring, AJ gets her face caved in with a big boot. Paige then inflicts some more cranium damage as she nails a RamPaige and send a major message.
Thoughts: I can’t complain this week. I think it’d be rude to go on a major rant as WWE continued five storylines involving Divas, three of which see active competition as part of them. Although some Divas looked pretty bad in the ring *coughEvacough*, the girls did their very best with the time they had. I was in particular impressed with AJ, Alicia, Cameron and Paige. Shout to Layla though, seeing the LayOut again was awesome!
I’m pretty excited to see where the coalition between Alicia and Paige will go, yet we’ll no doubt she a deal where Paige is just using Alicia under the pretense that she will give Alicia the first championship defence should she get the title back. Your a veteran ‘Lic, you should be smarter than that!
All-in-all, a very positive night for the Divas. The future is bright and for the foreseeable future at least, the future is Pink! Love that WWE is supporting Susan G. Komen again! Hooray that WWE got Hulk Hogan to wear Pink and Black too and not Bret Hart!
See you next week everyone!
